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Offbeat © Pierre Maré,
2004 - 2007

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This column is written for those cerebral adventurers, offbeat explorers and party people who don't go to any great lengths to keep in step with conventional wisdom.

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Interesting fact # 242,596
The author of this column once cooked Christmas dinner for a Moslem and a Jew.

Interesting fact # 242,597
If you do a Google search for the term gonzo philosophy this column is first on a list of about 62,500 results (depending on the day). The author is very proud of this fact.

Interesting fact # 242,598
A new column is published on this website on Sundays.

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Most Recent

Offbeat 149
The past few decades have been classified as the age of the aeroplane and the information era. Perhaps it would be better classified as the plastic era, and without any irony in spite of the yuppies.
Why we need to put things in boxes • fears about global warming • the rehabilitation of plastic • why civilisation depends on plastic

Pierre says hello to: Mum, Liz 'The Sweeney' Schlebusch, Paul Randall, the many, many people from the UK googling for 'pink glittery stuff', all the bald guys reading column 45, the plastic surgeons reading column 70, and visitors from Australia, Austria, Botswana, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, Chile, China, Costa Rica, the Czech Republic, Ecuador, France, Germany, Greece, Hong Kong, Hungary, India, Indonesia, Iran, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Lebanon, Libya, Lithuania, Malaysia, Mauritius, Morocco, Namibia, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nicuragua, Nigeria, Norway, Oman, Pakistan, Peru, Philippines, Portugal, Poland, Qatar, the Russian Federation, Slovakia, Spain, South Africa, South Korea, Sweden, Switzerland, Syria, the UK, United Arab Emirates, USA (read this column>>) as well as all the unwitting fans of Offbeat music who somehow managed to land on this page. Also a big hello to the person who did a Google search for 'philosophy of parenting'. I don't know how I got there either. Have fun with sophistry... the thinking person's Playstation!

Most recent, just less so

Offbeat 148
Burning books is nothing new. Subsequent to the Council of Nicae, instigated by Constantine in the early 4th century, to try to force some form of agreement on the fractious sects and unruly of early Christianity, not one, but two libraries were burned at Alexandria.
Barbecues in the worst possible taste • small people & big issues • why Luther was really good for hermetic thought • latter day magicians

Offbeat 147
As I think about it, there have been sequels to everything, with the exception of the wheel, probably because the triangle didn’t go down to well, and possibly because engineering types are still trying.
Another pathetic attempt to get all the work done • early questions about Harry Potter's possible demise • a whole lot of sequels that have yet to come my way • sequels in geopolitics • a unified theory of sequels and its potential applications

Offbeat 146
If dishwashing liquids are sold according to ingredients for meals and we’re currently on grapefruit flavour, how long before cream cheese and chives, or Danish herring, make their appearances?
The collapse of my reality in front of a closet • my sinuses surrender and retreat • stupid razor blades lead to existential questions • consumerism as a cure for boredom • my emerging neo-Luddite attitude

Offbeat 145
Parents routinely shove sauerkraut down the throats of protesting kids, and after the gag reflex loses its force, gradually it becomes the taste of home and is associated with all the love and laughter that a home has to offer.
The worst movie of all time, according to Rotten Tomatoes • surprisingly, 'Pink Flamingo' wasn't the worst • a whole bunch of relatively current cultural references • Marilyn Manson, a future classic • culture through habituation

Offbeat 144
Some years ago I spoke to someone who established one of the most notable charitable organisations around, an organisation that still continues to deliver some of the most worthy improvements to society. I asked him what he would do if he got a windfall of a couple of million dollars. His answer blew me away.
Population growth: Catholics vs. everyone else • cool poor people • utopian movies in my head • the genetics of charity • hello, compassion fatigue

Offbeat 143
As author’s go, Enid Blyton is one of the great writers. She never won a major literary award, but she did have a very positive impact on many people. Proof of the pudding lies in the numbers. Years after her death, between 8 and 10 million of her books sell annually.
Enid Blyton is more often translated than Shakespeare • Noddy & literacy • why Enid Blyton got banned in several libraries • a perfect, Luddite world: the other side of Enid Blyton • the absence of grey areas between the lines

Offbeat 142
Both albums were controversial. ‘Sergeant Pepper’ showcased the Beatles on vast quantities of LSD. ‘Never Mind the Bollocks’ reflected the hypocrisy of almost everything with the added dimension of a few dirty words as the final touch to a crass, disturbing, but vital mirror to society’s collective soul.
Things that are probably not good to talk about over Easter • studio production values defined by the Beatles • how to do rock & roll • collage vs. clashing colours & their impact on humanity • the importance of album covers in the big scheme of things

Offbeat 141
I don’t like the queuing either; jockeying for the fastest line, only to find that a SNAFU with a card means a far longer wait than hanging around behind the old lady with the two trolleys full of dog food and a head full of questions about their nutritional value for Fido.
Shopping on my honeymoon • how not or how to buy clothes • pre-adolescent hormones in the toy store • post-modern shopping • shopping for the new millenium

Offbeat 140
Try this for fun… At the next bistro gathering of the stylish, as the conversation heads towards the latest in diet trends or circles around the latest self-help trend, utter the words, “Has anyone noticed that Pope Benedict’s conservatism had more apparent impact on sexual morality when he was still Cardinal Ratzinger?”
The similarities between spirituality & smoking • more about complexity & coffee • speaking in tongues at a dinner party • fun things to drink with theologists • repent, the end is nigh

Offbeat 139
A plot of paradigm shifts, moments when everything changes, for instance when humanity discovered that the internet is really good for surfing porn, and everyone started finding reasons for needing it in the office and at home, shows that the shifts are converging and increasing in frequency.
Enceladus is a moon of Saturn... now you know • choosing a name for a war • how to rescue people with cabin fever • complexity & espresso dopios • the coming technological singularity

Offbeat 138
Why sell a car that goes from 0 to 120 in 3 seconds flat when there is the little matter of urban traffic. Is it something to do with the desire to be first to wait at the traffic light?
My daughter decides she wants to win • keeping an eye on the ball • a really bad clothing advertisement • fun things to do with rapid acceleration • why bother to run the race?

Offbeat 137
A bit of sunburn is not a natural thing of childhood anymore. Anything less than factor forty suntan lotion, sleeves over the shoulder, a hat and limits on time in the sun has the feeling of danger and neglect.
A completely different take on the difference between people in Europe & people in Africa • desperate optimism & the act of counting clouds • the importance of long strides in an African summer • a bit of gratuitous nostalgia & fear of ultra-violet • saying goodbye to the sun

Offbeat 136
As long as you can hold onto those special moments, there will always be something good round the corner, even if it is just the brief thrill of a Cyberdemon and a frantic burst of imaginary gunfire in some pixelated game from the mid-Nineties.
A complete lack of intellectual capacity & my eighth favourite topic • the amazing Doom II Plutonia maps • how to prevent Parkinsons with unproductive pursuits • the state of the comic racks in my local bookstores • staying young while aging

Offbeat 135
Not so long ago, a friend asked me, “Why choose a virtual existence?” I have an answer now.
Sitting in Damaraland • more about Neal Stephenson • the beautiful reality of Second Life • why choose a virtual reality • rekindling the day-to-day truth

Offbeat 134
Unfortunately my firewall is so secure that it even blocks attempts to update my anti-virus software. I suppose I should read the manual, but it is one of those that assumes that the user has a degree in nuclear physics and doesn’t need a step-1-step-2 list of instructions.
Strange people try to take over my computer • proof that the internet actually is bigger than Paris Hilton • crack teams of nerds at the Pentagon • some people in the upper reaches of the Amazon who don't know about the world wide web • religious zealots & cheap viagra

Offbeat 133
We are expected to be proficient at communication and languages, but with all the terror of the superficial complexity of algebra, we deny ourselves and our children the only language that can be used to quantify reality.
A power-hungry freak with no real subjects • beat poetry trigonometry & quadratic equations • my buddy, the differential equation • a mathematical analogy for beauty, confusing numbers as a route to inner peace and a very hypothetical butterfly

Even less recent

Offbeat 132
We watch the same movies, listen to the same music and in our effort to be different, at least in the kitchen, are adopting the same international cuisine as everyone else. No doubt there aren’t Thai chicken pizzas at the Poles yet, but a pizza franchise is probably on the way.
Distant street addresses • non-responsive blank eyes, an ocean away • suburban sprawl on an international scale • Robert Frost on Fences

Offbeat 131
Adult shows make the basic assumption that people know the difference between good and bad and probably hope that politicians with global ambitions don’t watch for inspiration. Children’s shows make the very same assumption concerning kids.
My daughter & I have a show we both enjoy • the marginal real difference between shows with different parental age restrictions • it's OK to think it, just don't look at it • a babysitter from Hell • Spongebob Squarepants makes sen