© Pierre Maré,
2004 - 2007
Offbeat 74
There just had to be a downside to mapping the human genome! According to a friend of mine, some American researchers have discovered the gene that causes introversion. No doubt they are working on a method to turn it off and ‘cure this awful condition’. God will probably forgive them. For my part, I am a happy introvert and I want nothing to do with it.
On a good day, I am about as gregarious as a badger with a sore tooth. I find happiness and comfort in my family, but have massive difficulties talking to more than one person at a time. My strategy for group gatherings is either to avoid them in the first place or to flee.
Does this mean that I dislike people? No: I like many people, often merely on first impressions. It’s just that I have difficulty finding things to say. The situation is compounded by the fact that I was raised honest to a fault, and find it very difficult to feign interest when I am bored, or pretend to like someone who clearly should not be allowed out of the house unless accompanied by a lawyer or parole officer.
Honesty also involves being honest with yourself. I recognize that I will never fit into the social whirl unless someone needs a guest to keep quiet most of the time, only surfacing for the odd, amusing comment. As a result I do not seek the comfort of groups any longer or measure myself by their standards.
Attending group gatherings is becoming a real challenge. Drinking myself into a condition in which I can approximate social functionality is no longer an option now that I am a father. Nor do I intend to take up legitimate or any other pharmaceutical measures, no matter how much these American researchers say it will improve my life.
The idea of manipulating the gene for introversion frightens me. The fact that these people find introversion something worth seeking out holds all the appeal of Adolf Hitler’s pre-war bombast. As I think of the idea, I can hear the faint echoes of jackboots, and images of blond-haired, blue-eyed Aryan specimens flit before my eyes.
You will always get people who are so insecure that their only hope of refuge is to demand that everyone around them behaves the way they do and thinks the way they do. However the modern cure for this should be therapy for them, not genetic or any other form of manipulation for everyone who doesn’t conform to their standards.
What would people get out of a ‘treatment’ for introversion. No doubt, everything will be a lot brighter and more cheerful in a Prozac kind of way. Everyone will sit around and talk about comfortable things such as the weather, sport, makeup techniques and new cars. There would be little depth to communication, and uncomfortable topics that begin with the words ‘imagine if’ would be a thing of the past.
In fact, the whole intellectual strand would probably be considerably diminished. This is not to say that extroverts are devoid of intellect, but it is kind of hard to come up with something unique when you are working with a committee or trying to avoid offending everybody else’s sensitivities.
The soul-searching of philosophers, writers, artists and musicians would be a thing of the past. Cheerful choral music would top the pop music charts. Photography might survive, provided everyone got a turn to use the camera at the wedding or birthday party.
Perhaps the issue is nothing more than misplaced sympathy. One solution to obvious discomfort on the part of introverts is to ask them if they want to attend a gathering rather than expecting them to join in, and searching for a genetic modification if they don’t appear entirely comfortable.
All that being said, I still make it to parties and get-togethers, although I am marked out as the quiet one who sits on the side and listens. There are gatherings and groups of people whom I love interacting with. But if push comes to shove, and the idiots in white lab coats do develop a ‘cure’, you won’t find me in the queue.
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