© Pierre
Maré,
2004 - 2007
Offbeat Columns 11 - 20
Offbeat 11
If you can see through the B-grade movie appeal and sidestep all the
standard moralizing, ‘Frankenstein’ is also a rather fun
allegory for everyday life. If you doubt me, think back to your original
first date.
The real Frankenstein • what scientists do best •
the very first date • the
pitfalls of romantic ambition • making
people • genetic altruism and romance • kissing frogs
• Tom Waits & politicians
• opposites converge
Offbeat 12
Ten years down the line, will your child really benefit from martial
arts training or will a course in tactical shooting and the practical
use of explosives in conflict resolution be more appropriate?
Real music from years ago • theological insights from
Talking Heads • academic philosophy as industry •
harps & houris • latter
day survival kits • keeping up with everything • adventure holidays
• divine boredom
Offbeat 13
If you haven’t yet seen that inestimable movie, ‘The Fight
Club’, you’re missing out on a noteworthy piece of modern-day
philosophy, and a convincing one-step self-help programme for the emasculated.
A gun of my own • violence as self-improvement •
angry behavior • altruism
as a path to violence • programmed peace • conflict as human nature
• guns
as genetic inevitability • good advice
for violent times
Offbeat 14
People are a lot like chickens. I have seen enough accidents at and
away from pedestrian crossings to be able to confirm this with absolute
clarity.
Stale chicken jokes • chickens crossing the barnyard
• traffic safety
for chickens • the
similarity of people and chickens • Macadam and aggression • road movies • bumping
into people • road safety on life's highway
Offbeat 15
Books, always the best place to discover magical words and how to use
them, are becoming less and less popular. Why read when you can put
a DVD or video into a machine?
The allure of magic • alchemists & labcoats •
Isaac Newton was an alchemist • modern
crystal balls • selling Granny's jewelry • the spell for love
& attraction • the
difference between reading & watching • visual literacy is for the
illiterate
Offbeat 16
Fridges have a very significant spiritual purpose, long overlooked by
major religions. If you want to know the state of a man’s soul,
just take a look in his fridge.
Bachelor households • the sixpack as a bachelor appliance
• immortality
for pickles • fridges
as economic indicators • fridges & fear • 'healthy' fridges • 'wealthy'
fridges • you are what you have in
your fridge
Offbeat 17
Discovering the concept of a globe put a major dent in my ambition to
become an explorer: nobody could explain to me precisely where on the
ball the ‘four corners of the Earth’ were to be found.
Holidays for readers • imaginative travel •
bookshops as tourist destinations
• traveling
to imaginary destinations • the 'four corners' of the globe • the true nature of luxury
travel • travel as a losing proposition
Offbeat 18
Although I am a dilettante vegetarian, a thick steak and a sizzling
pan will always be a natural fallback position. And like all ‘real’
men, I know deep down that a chicken is a vegetable as well.
Worms in ketchup • protein
enhancement • social
specialisation • early draft dodging • the human food chain • an old roman maxim • why you shouldn't take responsibility
for yourself • strategies for opting out
• Douglas Coupland and 'Generation
X'
Offbeat 19
As far as I am concerned, I seem to have lost the street map that points
the way to perfection. And strangely enough, it’s not a place
I’m entirely sure I want to visit.
Young pop divas • Tom
Waits • popular
media stereotypes • Prozac as personal image enhancement • effortless hedonism • ideal old age • stains on expensive rugs
• more about Tom Waits • imperfection as the route
to perfection
Offbeat 20
Once you have surrendered the chocolate, wiped away the child’s
tears, calmed the mother and regained your shattered composure, you
will realize that the act of taking is instinctive behaviour.
Literary appreciation • the
story of St Martin & the beggar • giving
& religion • giving to survive • an experiment with a toddler
• giving in the workplace • dramatic giving
• New Model Army • giving for survival
