© Pierre
Maré,
2004 - 2007
Offbeat Columns 91 - 100
Offbeat 91
Lately the martial arts movie, also know as ‘chop-socky’
has been undergoing a type of renaissance, fueled by the foreign language
Oscar for ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’, a couple of
years ago, and mainstream recognition for the genre through Quentin
Tarantino’s much vaunted direction of the ‘Kill Bill movies’
and his association with the breathtaking ‘Hero’.
Pokemone voices in 'The House of Flying Daggers' •
the economics of Saturday afternoon matinees •
the rennaisance of martial arts movies •
'old-skool' martial art plots
• fun with flying kicks for the kiddies • scene setting & colour as art •
the new style martial art movie •
one good reason to watch 'The House of Flying Daggers'
Offbeat 92
Einstein came up with the special theory of relativity, for instance.
Nobody has come up with another as far as I know. And would the special
theory of relativity be so special if there were a whole bunch of theories
knocking around looking for caring homes?
Cheap music in bargain stores • a musician with an
unlikely name • definitions of genius •
archetypes of genius •
why number crunchers get to become known as geniuses • the originality of very clever ideas •
a riff about skiffle and the blues •
Bo Diddley's numbers and where it all led to
Offbeat 93
I have a strange appreciation of my hangovers nowadays. They remind
me that there is excess, even though it has been years since I was excessive.
They also remind me of the preciousness of a clear head as I try to
take control of my mind again, the morning after.
Last night was great • the new style
of watering hole • paying the bill the next morning
• number 4 on the hangover scale • number
10 on the hangover scale • a guide to hangovers for the young
• what hangovers say • why the hangover is a key phenomenon
in civilization
Offbeat 94
The problem with uncertainty is that most situations that jump out at
you and take you completely by surprise seldom come with those little
red glass boxes that say ‘break in case of emergency’.
Rugby and soccer • why I never became
a cricket star • Zen and the art of swimming
up and down in a pool • forward thinking behaviour •
the problem with reliance • why time management is so important
to me • two solutions to the problem of office laziness •
the benefit of self-reliance
Offbeat 95
The pub has gone. The whiskies, if any of them remain in the bottom
of some dusty bottle, have probably turned to sugar water. There is
no more temptation. Quality is a fleeting thing. If anything, quality
is nothing more than something new and unaccustomed.
My cross-eyed single malt whisky period •
an alphabetical tour through the whiskys, ending at G •
the aftertaste: from butterscotch to old carpets • breakfast whisky
• whisky of which to be afraid • why I
did it • the moral of the story • desire and the absence
of money as self-improvement
Offbeat 96
In the dark ages, one of the saints was widely recognised as a genius
because he could read without moving his lips. Nowadays, people who
move their lips while reading are not entirely unusual.
Welcome back, Murphy • radio & the
one minute attention span • some more justifiably
snide comments about diplomats • what we did in school
• if media practitioners ran the education system •
some tactless & blunt stuff • a comment about survival of
the species
Offbeat 97
In fact, in a sudden fit of tactlessness and stupidity, I am even considering
a self-help book based on the idea that hitting the top of your hand
with a hammer may be a path to self enlightenment and greater spirituality.
But I probably won’t write the book, and I strongly urge you not
to act upon the suggestion.
The tendon on the top of my hand • why
I like my hand • a tattoo vs. a glove •
a sense of not knowing • an awful story about
a casino • hello, aspirin • getting to know yourself, and
turning off the programmes
Offbeat 98
People find hope in strange places, even when there is no logical hope
to be found. In the absence of any better reality, look to a comic book
for a superhero, some photographic rag with photos of a star, a princess
or look to the skies and wait for the silver discs to show up.
Astronomers on television • why the
aliens won't visit us • sorry to all the people
who actually want to be abducted • when the
greener grass gets further away • the threats to our security
• proof that aliens exist
Offbeat 99 (The Da Vinci Code)
It has often struck me that the church is not so much concerned with
spirituality as it is with maintaining its position. And in order to
maintain the status quo, or to swing the tide in a direction that suites
them, churches have managed to commit some of the most heinous crimes
or at least condone them with the comforting words that ‘God is
on your side’.
Christ's wedding • naughty biblical
scholars • the easy way to research the grail
legend • faith and churches • a good excuse
to get married • why having a faith is important
Offbeat 100
As this column is written, I am keenly aware that American researchers
have invented a type of noise which drives away teenagers, much like
the sonic devices of the 80s that were said to drive off cockroaches.
They have tested this noise in at least one mall and it seems to work.
The role of American Beauty in writing this
column • the ratio of boredom to battery insertion •
a word of thanks • some stuff about the cultural
influence of Americans • an act of rebellion • what we need
to think about and why
