© Pierre
Maré,
2004 - 2007
Offbeat Columns 121 - 130
Offbeat 121
If I have spent an optimistic five minutes of every week for the last
18 years, resetting printers and documents to the A-paper size, that
works out to 78 hours of my life. There is a lot that you can do with
78 hours.
Blaming things on Americans • why the 'A' system of
paper sizes actually works • the two countries that don't use
the 'A' paper sizes • the time I spend resetting
my printer defaults • that amount of time multiplied up to a global scale • why we should actually blame ourselves
Offbeat 122
Conventional wisdom has it that extroversion is a desirable attribute.
But there is a rider to this. Extroversion is desirable only if you
are an extrovert, not if you are an introvert.
Some of the usual frustrations, and a relaxing solution •
therapeutic uses for The Smiths • which part of "Go away
and leave me alone" did you not understand? • my role in the pub's scheme of things • introverts also need rights
Offbeat 123
There is a certain mathematics to the proposition of belief, though.
The power of emotion is strongest with the individual who creates the
emotion. It is slightly less stronger in the immediate group of followers,
and as it spreads out it diminishes even further.
Music and the music industry as an analogy for belief systems
• the postmodern spread of music •
diminishing returns to the spread of emotion • strategies for maintaining the power of belief • advice for evil geniuses
Offbeat 124
The person whom I was a few decades ago and the person that I am now,
do not sit comfortably in the same room.
I did something unusual last week
• some stuff about reading •
some stuff about survival • hindsight is depressing • if your eye is on the road ahead, you need to keep the other
eye on the road behind you
Offbeat 125
To my mind, reality is the stuff which happens on a day-to-day basis
of lives led in offices and households across the world. But there is
never a camera crew on hand when John Smith needs to change a tire,
only to discover that a neighbour borrowed the jack.
Yo-yos & pet rocks • stress - the basic ingredient
of reality • sanitised households • pizza
boxes & corpses • the educational value of metaphorical backstabbing • living the lives of others
Offbeat 126
I’m not going to be so naïve as to send a letter to Santa
asking for peace on earth. He’s probably got enough of those,
and anyway sourcing gifts from Asia is probably far easier than reaching
an agreement in the UN.
The magical properties of glittery kitsch • the climatic
basis for 'peace on earth and mercy mild' • a more instinctual
reaction to the idea of peace & the patriotic
sanctity of a war • a very clever line from Tom Waits • peace on earth with the assistance of municipal bylaws and
the police
Offbeat 127
As a father, I know that there is joy in giving, as long as it is not
too complicated to assemble and the instructions aren’t translated
directly from Japanese. As a human being, I also know that there is
joy in getting. Yet that joy also comes from wanting.
Turkey roast in the southern hemisphere
• the complete ineptitude of that song, 'White Christmas'
in the southern hemisphere • yet another futile
Christmas wish list • an epiphany in a book store • wanting as fulfillment
Offbeat 128
When icons such as Dan Dare, Superman and Batman are portrayed as less
than superhuman, when James Bond is given a thuggish look and manner,
it is safe to say that idealism is on the wane.
Counting the incarnations of Bond
• lags in mental evolution •
the deconstruction of icons • the suitability of the new Bond • the importance of a questioning attitude
Offbeat 129
Perhaps I will renege on my New Years’ resolution from two years
back, and start watching TV again. The little one seems more able to
cope with the idea that ‘mommy and daddy are watching now, so
you will just have to wait to watch Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus
for the 93rd time’.
Plans for Christmas
• thinking ahead for 2007 resolutions •
2006's weight loss stuff didn't work • how productivity can be a complete and utter waste of time
• if my resolution for 2007: laziness
Offbeat 130 (Same
old New Year, again)
For a while, my money for the next big war was on the Chinese. If you
take the approach that enemies need to be clearly defined and easy to
divide into camps, China made sense on a global scale, albeit with a
lot of paranoia on my side.
Hunter S. Thompson & drugs
• what nobody else said on September 13 •
culinary safety for religious fundamentalists • another inappropriate cliche • Happy New Year, again
